helluvamess | [tlv] character inbox

[tlv] character inbox

"If you're hearing this then I can't be fucked answering right now or some other shit-covered fuckwich is going down on this boat so I'll get back to you when the fuck I can!"

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[The door to Blitzø's cabin looks like a typical shitty apartment door. Inside is pretty much exactly a shitty apartment. The door marked "Loona's room" does not open when tried and it appears that Blitzø himself sleeps on the couch. The walls are covered with images and drawings of horses, however every picture of Blitzø has his face scribbled over.]

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Obviously.

Warden Bright made it clear to me that if I wish to graduate, I will have to exercise patience and empathy.

All traits that get you KILLED in my world, but here it seems to be a prerequisite for being a 'good person'.

Yeah, fuck that. That shit wouldn't fly in Hell either. What is it with humans assuming we have to do things like they want anyway?

Listen, you don't have to pretend dick with me. Just tell him you apologised and I accepted or whatever. Who gives a fuck. Not like the first time I've been stabbed or worse.

Exactly. I don't see what's so difficult to understand about having a few good enemies around to keep your mind and your claws sharp!

Ugh. I would, except my warden is the kind of person who would check in. I think he wants to set up 'play dates'.

No fucking wonder they all end up in Hell if they're all burying shit and trying to act nice all the time. Sometimes you have to have someone to piss off and try to stab the shit out of to keep it fucking interesting.

...fuck that. What we did was a play date.

At least by my standards it was. I had fun.

Yeah well, maybe don't stab me again but fighting's fucking normal shit. Who hasn't tried a casual murder sometimes?

How's this: I don't fuck with Malcolm and next time we try to fuck each other up, no weapons.

Don't worry about that, Malcolm took my knife from me.

Does magic count as a weapon? I normally fight with that.

Depends. Can you teach me to use it?

No.

...[Wait. siiigh]

Yes. There's a way. Two, in fact.

Gimme. You teach me some shit, and I tell Malcolm how much you've done to help me out, deal?

AND you listen to me when I say stop. I won't have you using magic to hurt me in a way I don't permit.

And we're going to need a sympathetic warden to get you the correct tools.

Deal! What kind of tools do we need?

A special magic creature called a palisman.

The fuck? You said tools, what kind of warden fucker is going to give us a fucking animal?!

Just say you can't fucking teach me next time, dick.

Shut up! It is a tool. It's a creature carved from wood, and it will help you with magic.

Who am I gonna ask for tha--

[A long, long pause.]

Malcolm could get me one. We tell him it's so you can help teach me magic and it's us getting along and he'd buy it.

Exactly.

See, I knew there was a brain in there somewhere.

Do you want to ask him, or shall we ask him together? I suggest a united front so that he doesn't waste time verifying this between us. Plus it will do him good to see us 'getting along'.