helluvamess | [tlv] character inbox

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"If you're hearing this then I can't be fucked answering right now or some other shit-covered fuckwich is going down on this boat so I'll get back to you when the fuck I can!"

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[The door to Blitzø's cabin looks like a typical shitty apartment door. Inside is pretty much exactly a shitty apartment. The door marked "Loona's room" does not open when tried and it appears that Blitzø himself sleeps on the couch. The walls are covered with images and drawings of horses, however every picture of Blitzø has his face scribbled over.]

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The place is pretty different than last time he was here but he hasn't got the time to get distracted. If Abel is anything like Blitzø, he figures that will be seen as a way to avoid the situation and he can't let that happen now.

So Blitzø ignores the changes and follows Abel to the couch, climbing up next to him and flinging the blanket over them both. Then he gives Abel a considering look and fluidly curls against his side and half into his lap to start purring.

Abel had expected him to sit on the couch, maybe poke around his space, but when Blitz shares his blanket and starts purring in his lip, he can practically feel it through his whole body, it's a bit of a surprise.

He'd been running his fingers through Alex's fur, the cat being his company since the first few weeks of his appearance on the Barge to help with the loneliness, but this was nice. Resting his cheek on Blitz's forehead, mindful of the Horns, he shifts to wrap his arms around his warm little body and just cuddle for a good long while, his occasional sniffles slowly petering out before he finally opens his mouth, words soft.

"I had almost three whole months to work this out, come up with exactly what I should say...and it still wasn't enough time to figure out a way that didn't hurt him." and he was usually so good with deadlines, too.

Three months. It feels like a lot, but guiltily, Blitzø thinks how long his own situation would have been when Stolas showed up. Not that different.

"Maybe the problem was there wasn't a way," he offers after a long moment. "Maybe thinking that you could find some way to make it all easier for yourself was the real problem."

It's said to Abel, but he's thinking of himself as he says it. How he'd tried to make Stolas pick for him, how everything had just gotten worse, messier, and now he wasn't even certain what they meant to each other. He likes Abel, even if it's not the same way he likes Alexei, and he doesn't want him to go through the same shit.

"He's gonna need a little while to deal with it," he says. "And I'm not gonna say anything about he feels about it to you or the other way around. But you're gonna have to think about what you want and give him a chance to think about what he wants. And what you will do if he doesn't want what you do."

He'd been told he overcomplicated it, so he pivoted, that he should make sure what he wanted and what Cain wanted was clear, and to be completely honest. Some of the advice he'd gotten he probably could have gone without, but he'd spent time to sort through, figure out the best of it.

"I want to give him his space to think about it...but I didnt- I wasn't trying to make this as complicated as it's gotten. When I got here I'd just...we broke up, and I knew I was going to see him again, but then I go and make friends who tell me it's okay to be upset, that it would be healthy to see other people and then suddenly I have some one I can actually talk to, who understands what I went through and he can be so nice about it." Nice enough that holding his hand and sleeping in his bed just to sleep feels far better than sleeping with him sometimes.

"And I wanted to say so much more, explain myself, but the moment I said anything he'd already started freaking out, and it... it hurts, seeing him like that, and it's worse when I know that I did that. I'm supposed to protect him..." and he's still so stuck on what he might have done differently, how this had gone to start thinking about what he's going to do if he isn't okay with it.

That was one route he hadn't wanted to unravel because he isn't sure he had the self control or the tools to do that, to stop, cut Norton off and part of him thinks that he shouldn't have to, but if Alexei turns around and tells him no, he has no idea how he's going to deal with that.

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